How Much Do We Compromise?

I was thinking about how it can be in a relationship. How much do we compromise and when does it enter into the arena of becoming unhealthy? So many of us stay with people even though it’s detrimental to our total wellbeing and sense of self. This could be through the fear of leaving, fear of change, threat to life, financial security, fear of being alone or believing we will never find anyone else. We may even feel our identity is entwined with the other person. There are endless reasons and it’s quite overwhelming when you think how common this situation is. Sometimes it takes a long while before we see the light, because we’ve been made to feel so worthless and absorbed a truth that is not our own. Sometimes we don’t ever see it as this becomes our normal, sometimes it’s very subtle. Worst of all it is dressed up as love - that little word has a lot to answer for! But this is it, we hold out because we want connection, we want to feel wanted. How many times when you’ve just ignited a new relationship have you sat waiting for a call or a text but been left hanging? How many times have you been let down by the oh so familiar “something came up”? How often has this scenario been forgiven and forgotten? This is just a small area in the vast sea of compromise and an example of how soon on it can start in a relationship. We sometimes compromise our sanity and our safety, or is it they are compromised?
 
Do we consider setting out boundaries and expectations when entering a relationship? I for one haven’t in the past and the consequences haven’t been great. But how do we know to do that, where do we learn such things? It definitely doesn’t happen by watching the films on Movies 24 (I know, I can hear you judging me). Much can be said on this whole matter, there are plenty of angles, levels and perspectives. Maybe that’s a conversation for another day. Obviously I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, some are happy in their relationships, even if it may appear to be unequal, one compromising more than the other. Perhaps they don’t see it as so, maybe it isn’t. After all we never truly know what goes on behind closed doors. As I was putting pen to paper the following took shape. Not quite like my usual offerings, but you know what? I decided to go with it. An observation and reflection of my own previous experience, but I’m sure some can relate (no it's not the ex-husband).
 
To you I am nothing, no substance, just a ghost,
Undermined and dependant is the way you like me the most.
Protector you say but that’s just not true.
You ridicule and criticise everything I do.
Disguise things as joke, but still all the while,
Trying to diminish me as you give your smile-less smile.
You make gestures that are kind, but they are to keep me in my place,
As soon as an opportunity arises you throw it back in my face.
But you know what I see and you will never admit?
It’s you who is the one who feels they don’t fit.
You crave adoration, with you all must agree,
There’s a world outside your own, and you don’t know how to be.
I sense your fear and I see the confidence you lack,
Always trying to prove your point, ‘cause you think no one has your back.
You can turn on the charm and be a real pleasure,
Such a shame you don’t realise true connection is something to treasure.
Always so defensive, that wall has become immense,
Shooting out your venom to others, you expect them not to take offence.
You may find life a challenge, you may feel misunderstood,
To project it onto others will never come to good.
I’ve been patient, I’ve encouraged, a bond I’ve tried to build,
I’ve given you space to be your true self; will you ever be fulfilled?
You are not my responsibility and no you are not owed,
This ending is the consequence of the seeds that you have sowed.
I won’t ingest your insecurities or continue to hold your stuff,
There comes a point when really, enough is enough.
I’ve taken this chapter and rather than place blame,
I’ve used the whole experience to fuel my rise like a Phoenix from the flame.