Only The One?

​One, Two, Three...No that’s not the number of chocolates I’m threatening to consume as I eye up the box (we’d be talking double figures!), I’m talking about the number of children people choose, or not, to have. I use the word choose, but sometimes nature has other ideas and there are circumstances beyond control.
 
I chose to have one child, yes one. I repeat, I chose. Is this a criminal offence? Does this make me pariah? Well for some in society the answer would be a resounding yes! I know, how awful! You see I naively believed that I was well within my rights to make such a monumental life-changing decision. But oh no, as always there are others who feel they need to have their say. As if somehow their opinion is more valid than the person at the centre of it all. How dare you.
 
I was two days away from my birthday (late thirties) when my healthy little bundle made their appearance into the world, thirteen days past my due date. I had a lovely pregnancy; no morning sickness, no complications, it was an amazing, joy-inducing experience. How blessed I thought, especially as it was a ‘geriatric’ pregnancy. But before my child was even a year old, ‘THAT’ question was being asked. “When are you having another one?” Another what? I mean please, at least give me chance to enjoy the child I have and chance for my lady bits to forgive me. In fact it’s none of your business! I’ve always felt for people being asked that question even before I became a mother. Why do others feel they have that right to ask? You don’t know how that person may be feeling. They may actually hate motherhood and can’t face the prospect of doing it all over again! There may be medical issues, or other factors thrown into the mix.
 
What really gets me is the belief I have somehow failed my child, or I’m selfish because I haven’t produced a sibling. That my child cannot be complete, a well-developed, bona fide human in their own right without a sibling. My instincts told me I didn’t want another child. I was so grateful to conceive, have a healthy pregnancy and problem-free birth that I didn’t want to push my luck. The father wasn’t bothered either. I had a miscarriage seventeen months before my child was born and didn’t even know I was pregnant until I had the miscarriage. I nearly fell off the chair when the nurse at the NHS walk-in centre gave me the news! I just thought the heavy relentless bleeding was a sign of something else. Another reason why I felt I was lucky to actually have a child. Admittedly my child has been spoilt to some degree and can be quite opinionated. Having spent too much time in the company of adults, trying to converse as one and that is the fault of myself and his father. This has changed with age and being within different social settings, so I don’t feel it will become an issue long-term. However for others to suggest I should have had another child which may have ‘remedied’ things, need to back off. There is no should. Just because I don’t want to be part of the  2.4 brigade or whatever the ‘correct’ ratio is these days; who has the right to hold me up to that expectation anyway? I say again, choice. Admittedly if I had children when I was first ready, when I was in my late twenties, I may have had another child or two. The male side did not want a child at that point and I didn’t think it fair to get ‘accidentally’ pregnant; to me parenthood had to be a mutual agreement.
 
There is never a guarantee that siblings are going to get on and make for a harmonious household. Sometimes there is a favourite sibling who’s every whim and fancy is fulfilled, while the other is treated like an outsider and barely gets noticed. Having a sibling doesn’t prevent feelings of loneliness and isolation, it doesn’t necessarily make a child more socially aware. Children have their own personalities and you never know what you’re going to get from the lucky (or as some folk feel, not so lucky) dip. Also you cannot force them to get on or like each other, even though you want to give the impression you have the perfect family. There is no such thing. Being an only child is not something to call judgement on, it doesn’t make the child less than and neither does it make the parent(s) selfish, irresponsible or unfulfilled. Choice people, choice.