So Why Do People Have Children?

​This question has invaded my mind numerous times recently. I know why I had a child, I wanted to help create and nurture a super special one-off individual; excited to watch them grow, flourish and see their personality develop. I knew my child and I would be learning together to find our way because in no way whatsoever did I consider myself a child expert!
 
I sometimes wonder about the motivation and intent to embark on that adventure that is parenthood. Now this is a many-sided topic but I am especially perturbed when I hear that God-awful phrase ‘Mini Me’. What the heck? Why would you want to refer to your beloved offspring as a pocket-sized version of yourself? For the record I acknowledge it has another meaning but I'm not referring to it here.  Granted said child may well share some resemblances, but you know, genetics. ‘Mini Me’ just sounds like an insult because they are not you at all! They are not the entirety of you, that would mean you have passed on your personality, neuroses, insecurities and humongous ego. Because yes you would have to have a massive ego and the vanity to believe that precious gift is all about you. They have their own identity, their own name, okay well not always because some parents think it fitting to bestow their own name upon their child. I’m not going there right now (can you sense the eye roll?), I know it’s a choice. They are actually a whole separate human being. Maybe I’m taking things out of context but I find it slightly disturbing especially knowing you can buy specific matching parent and child outfits!
 
Then there's that paediatric pressure because you are always going to have ‘those’ parents! Swapping exchanges about babies at six months old, “my little bub is already stacking blocks to recreate the Eiffel Tower”. You have to come back with a belter, “well my little pumpkin has started using a full set of cutlery, can complete a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle and is also potty training”! There you go, the flip, bang goes the magic. This is where it starts, or rather this is where it ends. You stop seeing your child’s milestones and achievements as their own, they have to live up to your expectations based on the judgement of others. Poor ‘Mini me’. It is quite heart-breaking that there are parents who really do not appreciate their children as individuals. Think how much children are picked apart for their little quirks or because they don’t follow the same developmental path as young Joe over the road. When I say picked apart I mean by their own parents, come on ‘fess up, you know you do it. Do you know how demoralising and soul-destroying that is? So this may result in your beloved flesh and blood trying to live up to your version of them, not the person they are within. You may have experienced this from your own parents. I wonder if you decided you would do things differently when you became a parent? How quickly you forget! Next time you’re about to throw your child one of those “why can’t you be more like….” inferiority inducing lines, stop and think how you felt. Now think how your child may feel and the impact your words may have. Yes we need to guide and support but not at the expense of crushing all the characteristics that make a child unique. In all honesty do you really want your child to be exactly like you? Surely we don’t want the world to be filled by copies of us!
 
As parents we need to fully open our eyes and our hearts to see the beauty of our children. Surely part of the fascination and draw of parenthood is the unfolding of a wonderful, never before seen and never to be seen again unique human being. Yes granted we have hopes and dreams for our children, but what is wrong in celebrating their individuality? When your child can show you their way of doing things or learning, why not celebrate this instead of going to the default of “that’s not the way I do it”. Crikey, my child’s level of problem solving and decision making is phenomenal. I often find myself wondering “why didn’t I think of that?” I can share this and I always commend my child on their outward and creative thinking. It’s amazing what you can learn from your kids! Also you need to remember that just because you may have trudged down a certain path in life, this does not mean your child has to follow. Your child is not here for you to repeat your life through them.
 
Okay granted, the world of parenthood is not always straightforward and for some can be complex but showing some awareness and consideration in the way we interact can go a long way. I’m not saying don’t acknowledge similarities between yourself and your child, but try and see who they are without being totally blinded by you!